Baby shower for intended parents with surrogate, yay or nay?

Howdy, we’re IPs and our surrogate is pregnant with twins (Malcolm and Justin). We’d like to celebrate a baby shower but don’t know if it’s appropriate considering that it’s a surrogate pregnancy, what do you think? Are you in favor of inviting the surrogate? What’s your experience? Thanks for the support!

Dear SurroTwins,

Actually, this decision is totally up to you! It depends on the kind of relationship that you have built with your surrogate throughout the pregnancy. We’ve heard about stories of IPs whose surrogate was invited, and other cases in which the carrier was not there. I guess it’s only normal that in cases where the IPs barely know their surrogate invite her to their baby shower. It may also depend on the community where they live.

In short, you should feel comfortable with your decision, and most importantly talk to your surrogate to see how she feels or what she thinks. Maybe you want her to be there for, but she’s uncomfortable with it. You should be honest with her, and the same the other way around.

I hope this helps,

Best regards

Let me congratulate you on your successful surrogacy journey! May your LOs grow healthy and happy!
The question you’re asking seems quite a widely spread one. I used to hear it quite often from other couples going through the same thing. Here’s what I want to say. Do whatever you want if it makes you comfortable. Thus it’s an individual decision, there are two possible ways. 1. you organize the baby shower for people around. and you never know what will those people say about it afterwards: whether they’ll rumour or not. To me personally it’s not quite comfy, though I’ve always been quite open about our surrogacy. 2. You can celebrate among the closest people who you really trust. Whether your surrogate belongs to their number or not – it’s purely and individual experience again. Here’s how it went for us. I’m sure I’ll remember our surrogate forever. She is a young kind woman. She has 2 kids of her own – a boy and a girl. We saw them on pics she showed us. She likes music and loves cats. She wanted to become a teacher, but found herself happy working in the kindergarten. She loves kids, it;s obvious. She gave birth to our only son. So to say we just keep in touch with her is not enough. We love her and her family. We know everything about the important events in our families and are absolutely happy about that. This is a life changing journey, surely. I can hardly imagine we didn’t invite the sweety to our baby shower party..We felt 100% ok with that. Also it was a huge luck our surrogate spoke English. So she felt comfortable with other guests and could share some of the details they asked her. It was a nice welcome to our DS.