Information Magazine about Adoption, Complex Cases of Fertility & Surrogacy
Contact with surrogate mother after birth

Contact with surrogate mother after birth

  1. <span  class="bbp-author-name">Frederick Marshall</span>
    Frederick Marshall

    Hello there! We’re a couple currently on our surrogacy journey… Our surro mom is 7 months pregnant already and we’re so excited… Everything’s going fine and we consider her our friend and hope that she continues to be in touch with us after our child is born, but how? Any advice? We know our intentions but perhaps she doesn’t want to continue with this anymore. She’s no genetic connection to her (it’s a girl!!)… We’d like to consider her as her “aunty” 🙂 Wonderful innit? Pls, share your views on this 😉 Thanks!!!!!

    04/17/2018 at 14:45
  2. Dear Frederick Marshall,

    When your daughter is born, you will be legally recognized as the baby’s rightful parents. But the truth is, every gestational surrogate would like time alone with the child to simply say goodbye, in spite of not having a genetic tie with her. Keep in mind that she’s the woman that has been carrying and nurturing your child for 9 months.

    Believe me when I say she’s going to be extremely happy seeing you becoming parents, and surely she’ll be willing to continue in contact with you after birth, considering that you’re friends now as you said.

    In any case, it is only logical that over time the relationship slows down as all parties return to their own lives. It is common for intended parents and surrogates to keep in contact for the first year and then send holiday pictures once a year to each other so that she can witness how your child grows.

    I hope this helps,

    Best wishes

    04/18/2018 at 09:58
  3. It is a sweet gesture to appreciate your surrogate. I believe they are like godmothers. I remember when I was so depressed with my infertility condition. We had been to so many doctors and tried to conceive through Ivf even. Until my body could not take it anymore. We approached a clinic with reference to a friend who works as a nurse. We never thought that we could go for anything but surrogacy and in another country. But we were convinced that this was it. Our surrogate was in the same country. The first thing was that we went there to be pampered by the reproduction clinics own hotels. Got a free diagnosis, free stay and accommodations. We then got to choose a surrogate with the best-suited profile. We have been friends with her science. Her names Alice, who has become family to us now my daughter is 4 years old.

    08/18/2018 at 17:40
  4. WOW! that’s really beautiful and strong of you. I hope it remains this beautiful in the future too. Thanks for sharing the experience. I’m glad to hear. Stay blessed for her. So, yes! This is an example for all, I believe.

    08/21/2018 at 19:45
  5. Hi dear! I see your post. I can easily understand the image that you shared with us. Hmm well, I also see not any hope from your test. I will advise you to wait for some time and check it with your doctor. sometimes I have seen the tests that are weak at first but after sometimes they will become healthy. So, just wait and don’t lose your hope. everything will be good soon.

    08/24/2018 at 17:52
  6. That’s nice. You have a kind heart. But she belongs to you. And legacy she is your child. And it’s open the choice of a surrogate. If she wants to continue or not. Actually, she might be thinking about the worst part of it. She gives birth to a child. Then she will hand over her to you. It is difficult for her. But she has to do this. Then she might not be able to see this child with you on daily basis. That’s why she has chosen her way. I also had a strong bonding with my surrogate. I wanted her to stay in touch with my boy. But she gave me this reason. And I understand it completely.

    08/25/2018 at 16:51
  7. So glad to know about your success. Surrogate mother bears a lot of pain for you. It’s good that you visited her, this will help her morally. This is really a blessed feeling that you are gonna be a mother.

    08/25/2018 at 18:20
  8. Exactly, I would agree with Sandra, that despite the fact surrogate is not genetically linked to the baby but however, she has been carrying the baby for 9 months. That will bring some sort of feeling for the surrogate mother as well. Even though the feelings may not be severe but to some extent, they are developed. I would like my surrogate to stay friends and would like a connection even after the birth. Moreover, it will allow you to have some #metime while your surrogate will babysit the child. So, if you think about it, then you won’t be reluctant to send your baby to the surrogate. I don’t think it is of any harm in keeping contact with the surrogate.

    08/28/2018 at 21:02
  9. Hello Frederick, how are you doing? I am happy to read your story. Surrogacy is a blessing. This is all possible because of the surrogate. Your question surprised me. Usually people want to cut ties with the surrogate. I am happy you want to get in touch with the surrogate. Logically speaking, after giving birth, she doesn’t have any right to get in touch. She just rent her womb. Your child will be raised by her for 9 months. But child belongs to you biologically. But i think she will love to get in touch with you and the baby. As it is hard to forget about the baby this soon. You simply need to talk to her. You have to told her how you feel. It is normal for IPs to get in touch with the surrogate.. Hope you will have a good relation with her. Take care

    08/29/2018 at 08:35
  10. Surrogates are so amazing who give happiness to someone else. Surrogates are good people blessing infertile couples. They give the child to the people who can’t have babies. I live in Bulgaria where surrogacy is not prohibited. So we will move to a state where it is not prohibited. Surrogacy will be a lifetime experience for us to have our baby. So according to me keeping contact with surrogates is not a big issue it will be a good experience.

    09/28/2018 at 11:10
    • I’m for surrogacy too. For the intended parents who cannot produce their own embryos and/or carry their own babies to term, surrogacy can be faster and better option to get a baby than adoption. Many couples spend years and tens of thousands of $$$ trying to adopt. And this is often just luck of the draw. If you use a surrogate who has a successful track recors of producing live births and use embryos from proven egg/sperm providers this can give you a 60% or better chance of having a baby within the next 15 months. (Rough statistics but it does make sense!) An additional benefit may be for some ladies when your surrogate is in the last few months and is exhausted, you’re not pregnant and can enjoy work or travel. 
      For more affordable prices I’d advice looking onto European countries.

      09/13/2019 at 07:10
  11. Hi, thank you for such a good topic to discuss. It’s worth consideration no doubt.
    I’m in love with our surrogate. Sometimes I feel she’s really our family’s member. It wasn’t easy to accept surrogacy as the final straw in my case. Yes, I have no ability to carry my own baby. There’s not any option to choose today. Honestly, it was difficult to decide.
    My husband supported and it made difference. Now I can’t imagine what if, what it could be if I hadn’t said yes. The journey goes well and it brings much positive emotions to our house.
    I’ve already got sure I will be ready to tell my baby that she was born with help of surrogacy. Anyway this will be revealed by someone one day. It’s better to be the first who says it.
    I want to educate my children to be polite towards many difficult things. Surrogacy is one of those things I think.
    Yes, I’m going to keep in touch with my surrogate if everything is fine during the program. We are the human-beings and all can happen but I hope it’s not about us, not now. Thanks!
    It’s actually a very controversial, discussable but we have to be an example for the future generation. We are those who foster goodness and I suppose it’ll be wonderful if our children don’t feel ashamed that they were born via surro.

    02/03/2019 at 12:28