Information Magazine about Adoption, Complex Cases of Fertility & Surrogacy
We don’t get along with our surrogate, what should we do?

We don’t get along with our surrogate, what should we do?

  1. Tommy

    Hi there,
    We’re a gay couple and we’re pregnant via surrogate. We’ve established very accurately the terms of the contract before the embryon was transferred but surrogate is now being kinda troublesome. She’s pregnant with twins (she said there was no problem with that when signing the contract, and we know she was paid a bonus pay for that) but now she’s having many issues with the twin pregnancy and has suggested selective abortion. We don’t want that to happen because our plan was to have two babies (each embryon was conceived using my sperm and my husband’s).
    We’re so sad that this is happening to us but what can we do?
    Our agency is trying to help us and we’re trying to reach an agreement again (she has to do as agreed upon) but on the other side of the coin we feel selfish… If she’s not feeling well, we understand that we cannot cause her to suffer, so what are the limits?
    We know she’s not doing anything stupid, but this doesn’t feel so fulfilling anymore. And we wanted to build a close relationship with her… but sadly we’re afraid that’s not gonna happen.
    Any advice would be most welcome!
    Thank you very much

    04/19/2018 at 06:59
  2. Dear Tommy,

    First and foremost, it’s important that you stay calm and immediately contact your counselor and/or program coordinator to discuss this behavior. Keep in mind that pregnancy causes emotional behavior in women, including surrogate pregnancies.

    Technically, you’re also “pregnant” so the terms agreed as regards the pregnancy apply to both parties. If she’s experienced too many negative symptoms during her twin pregnancy, it’s only normal that she feels tired. Her feelings and natural, and I’m sure that you’ll reach an agreement with the help of your counselor, agency coordinators, etc. Don’t forget that, all in all, there’s goodwill on both sides.

    Recommended for you: Surrogacy FAQs – 12 Common Questions for Intended Parents.

    I hope I have been able to help,

    Kind regards

    04/20/2018 at 07:16
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